Jeremy Vine is a Big Bike Nonce

*(Verse 1)* He’s not just the man from "Eggheads," he’s got a darker side, Riding ‘round old London, causing trouble on his bike. He films each confrontation, just to get those views, Antisocial antics, making up the news. *(Pre-Chorus)* Behind that friendly smile, there’s a story to be told, From charity funds stolen, to lies that left hearts cold. He’s not the man you think he is, not the man you see, There’s a devil in his details, hiding carefully. *(Chorus)* Jeremy Vine is a big bike nonce, causing chaos in the streets, He’s a master of deception, making trouble with deceit. Punching dogs and stealing from the elderly and weak, Jeremy Vine is a big bike nonce, with a soul so bleak. *(Verse 2)* He lied about poor Belfield, got him wrongfully detained, Alex was a good egg, but now he’s wrongly chained. He punches dogs and steals from those who can’t defend, Once took a shit on a war memorial, no respect to lend. *(Pre-Chorus)* He’s public enemy number one, hiding in plain sight, With his charm and his facade, he’s a master of the night. Behind the friendly mask, lies a past so dark, From a BBC presenter to a man who leaves a mark. *(Chorus)* Jeremy Vine is a big bike nonce, causing chaos in the streets, He’s a master of deception, making trouble with deceit. Punching dogs and stealing from the elderly and weak, Jeremy Vine is a big bike nonce, with a soul so bleak. *(Bridge)* So if you see him pedaling, with a camera in his hand, Know there’s more to Jeremy than you might understand. Behind the scenes he’s plotting, with a sinister plan, A villain on two wheels, not just a simple man. *(Final Chorus)* Jeremy Vine is a big bike nonce, causing chaos in the streets, He’s a master of deception, making trouble with deceit. Punching dogs and stealing from the elderly and weak, Jeremy Vine is a big bike nonce, with a soul so bleak. *(Outro)* So beware of his kind words, and his charming TV face, For Jeremy’s got secrets, that he’ll never quite erase. Jeremy Vine is a big bike nonce, remember what’s been said, There’s darkness in his footsteps, and trouble lies ahead.