Shadows of Existence

I fade away throughout the days, Each day less than I was. A daily dally assailing malady Destruction that it does. Mentally choking and feeling so broken I ponder my very existence. Reaping a reeking repute as a weakling; Restrained by my every resistance. And though I'm morose as a haunted old ghost I try to keep all hope alive But I'm shackled to shabby beliefs that will have me Shunned, despite how I strive. Is this condition something that I'll live in Throughout my last days? Only plight? If it is it's ill-fated, and illusive degraded Illusion of a human life. You know why I chose the choices I choose? I try to avoid all complications. I play on the winning side or I lose. I control life so it won't be a ruse. I'm steadfast against all abdication. You know why I chose the choices I choose. The warfare of life is what I peruse. Turncoat, if a better situation. I play on the winning side or I lose. If I foresee failure than I vamoose. It's more than just a disinclination. You know why I chose the choices I choose. I'm the lead engine, I'm not the caboose, Guiding my life to illumination. I play on the winning side or I lose. Because I'm sick of my life being bruised, Proliferating bad reputation, You know why I chose the choices I choose. I play on the winning side or I lose. I'm my own worst enemy. I really am no friend to me. Though I smile once in a while, Happy’s what I pretend to be. I really feel I have no skills That may help me pay the bills. Life’s a lemon grove In which I loathe; I really see no thrills. Though I feel sparks of inspiration I'm daunted by its dispensation. Creative thoughts Are always lost To my sad realization. I wish that I could have a hand To help me be more of a man. But the truth be told I'm just getting old And I don't got no fans. I don't got no fans, I don't got no patrons, Nobody gonna listen to me. I don't got no plans— Too busy with self-hatred— I'm the one dismissin’ my glee. Despite that I keep growin’, I still feel like a no one. I’ve been sentenced to A life so blue That life don't seem like fun. If I continue at this pace, This downward spiral with such haste, I can't elude What I'd conclude: That life’s a total waste. Despite how I invest in me Fate just keeps on bestin’ me. Why even try When I can't defy? Might this not be my destiny? I really do not understand Why life is full of such demands. I'm not admired And feel so tired, And I don't got no fans. I don't got no fans, I don't got no patrons, Nobody gonna listen to me. I don't got no plans— Too busy with self-hatred— I'm the one dismissin’ my glee.