asda

Verse 1: It was a dark and stormy night, the power's gone out, I'm sat here in the dark, feelin' kinda full of doubt. No TV, no Wi-Fi, my phone battery's dead, A man without his Porn Hub is full of dread. I’m pacing ‘round the house, like a man in despair, Lookin' for some porno, but there's nothin’ there! No Nigella cookbooks or Razzle mags in sight, How’s a bloke meant to have a proper naughty night? Chorus: I’m wanking over a fiver, oh what have I become? There’s Her Majesty's face, and I'm about to come, God save the Queen, but she couldn’t save me, From this sad little act of royal indecency! I’m sorry, Your Majesty, for this disrespect, But desperate times call for things I can’t forget. Oh, wanking over a fiver, it's all gone wrong, I’ve never felt guilt in a wank this strong! Verse 2: I searched through the house, for something rude, I need some porno, or a picture kinda lewd, There's only family photos, and a picture of my cat, And there's no way in hell, I'd wank off over thatm Then I spot it—a fiver, crisp and old, Her Majesty the Queen, there in green and gold. She's staring at me with her crown upon her head, So I pull out my cock, sit on the corner of my bed Chorus: I’m wanking over a fiver, oh what have I become? There’s Her Majesty's face, and I feel so dumb! God save the Queen, but she couldn’t save me, From this sad little act of royal indecency! I’m sorry, Your Majesty, it's a secret I'll hide, But at least it's not Churchill, on the other side, I promise to pay, the bearer of this note, Five sticky pounds, of my jizz that i'll unload, I’m kneeling to royalty, but not in that way, This isn’t the crown jewel tour I’d planned for today. No pomp and no ceremony, just me in disgrace, With the Queen's fiver staring me right in the face. I spaff on the fiver—oh, what a mistake! “God save the Queen” now feels like a fake. She didn’t deserve this royal disgrace, But here we are, with her judgmental face. Chorus: I’m wanking over a fiver, oh what have I become? There’s Her Majesty's face, and I feel so dumb! God save the Queen, but she couldn’t save me, From this sad little act of royal indecency! Outro: So I fold the fiver, and I place it away, Mumblin’ “sorry” for the sins of today. No more internet, no more need to roam, I’ve learned a lesson—better just be alone. Oh, wanking over a fiver… what have I done? A royal affair, but it wasn’t much fun.