So… I hear about this… Run Club. Newport.
A run club… where nobody… runs. Hah!
What is that?! A joke? A scam? Some kinda influencer cosplay?

These… tight-shirted clowns jog… five steps — maybe six if they’re feelin’ dangerous — then BAM!
Out come the phones… click click click
‘Look at me! I’m runnin’!’
No. You’re not. You’re takin’ pictures… of your own bullshit.

Then… they stumble into a bar, chest out, actin’ like they just survived fuckin’ Nam.
And they yell… ‘Water me, bro!’
WHAT?!
You don’t go into a bar… and yell ‘Water me’ like you’re a dying houseplant.
It’s a bar… have a whiskey… grow some balls.

And the whole ‘community’ thing?
Pfft. It’s a fuckin’ cult. Hats. Hashtags. Hollow fuckin’ eyes.
Like a spin class… fucked a LinkedIn post.

And these people? They can’t run. They couldn’t outrun me — and I have… zero cartilage in my left knee.

So… Newport Run Club…
You can take your filtered selfies… your fake miles… your hydration station bullshit…
and shove it directly up your influencer ass.

But hey… be fuckin’ nice. Or don’t. I don’t care.

*"So… I hear about this… Run Club. Newport.
A run club… where nobody… runs. Hah!
What is that?! A joke? A scam? Some kinda influencer cosplay?

These… tight-shirted clowns jog… five steps — maybe six if they’re feelin’ dangerous — then BAM!
Out come the phones… click click click
‘Look at me! I’m runnin’!’
No. You’re not. You’re takin’ pictures… of your own bullshit.

Then… they stumble into a bar, chest out, actin’ like they just survived fuckin’ Nam.
And they yell… ‘Water me, bro!’
WHAT?!
You don’t go into a bar… and yell ‘Water me’ like you’re a dying houseplant.
It’s a bar… have a whiskey… grow some balls.

And the whole ‘community’ thing?
Pfft. It’s a fuckin’ cult. Hats. Hashtags. Hollow fuckin’ eyes.
Like a spin class… fucked a LinkedIn post.

And these people? They can’t run. They couldn’t outrun me — and I have… zero cartilage in my left knee.

So… Newport Run Club…
You can take your filtered selfies… your fake miles… your hydration station bullshit…
and shove it directly up your influencer ass.

But hey… be fuckin’ nice. Or don’t. I don’t care."*

I felt like the cow from twister. just taken for a ride and thrown around just so Bill paxton could toss his recycling away.

Dave Short AI Voice

DSho

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