Thank you. Thank you. Wow. What a day. What a game. A tremendous performance from the boys at St Ives Over 35s, the most dominant, most classy — and frankly, the most unbeaten team in football today. Twelve wins. Zero losses. That’s what I call a landslide, folks.

Now look — we weren’t at full strength. Some of our best people — amazing people — were missing. Youngos, the captain — fantastic leader, incredible calves — out. Tommy — silky skills, very Neymar — missing. Jimmy, our throw-in specialist? Gone. Or maybe banned. We don’t know. We’re looking into it.

But we made adjustments. We made deals. Tremendous deals. We brought in Vinny — from the Over 45s. Very experienced. Knows things. We brought in Pano — last-minute signing, incredible hair. And Steely — who literally offloaded his children to make kickoff. What a man.

Now North Turramurra — second on the table. Small, fast, annoying. Whingers. Total specialists in complaining. If there was a World Cup for whinging, they’d be Brazil. But we weren’t scared. We had a plan: use our size, our strength, our courage. And we dominated.

The first goal — incredible. MP, beautiful pass. Long. Precise. Probably the best long ball ever delivered in the Southern Hemisphere. Sean “Haa-Barnes”, our Norwegian-style monster, muscles through three defenders and bang — left foot, back of the net.
One–nil, folks. Like taking candy from a vegan.

Then — we pressed. High press. Elite press. The kind of press I like. Forced a mistake. And Matt Stenmark — total beast, total alpha — slips Sean through again. And what does he do?
Finishes with class. Tremendous class. Two–nil. And at this point, the Turramurra bench starts calling for safe spaces.

Now second half — a little sloppy. Not great. We got caught on the counter. Twice. Gave up two goals. That’s bad. Some people are saying we looked like Chelsea for ten minutes — and we don’t want that, folks. But we stayed calm. We didn’t cry to the ref every two minutes like they did. We played football. Hard football. Real football. Big-boy football.

And finally — after about 47 corners from Gyp, which were beautiful by the way, like boomerangs made of leather — the breakthrough. Ball bounces. Keeper fumbles. And who’s there?

Steely. Of course it’s Steely. Jumps up like a jackhammer. Heads it home.
Three–two. The crowd goes WILD.

Turramurra start protesting. Saying it was offside, unfair, biased, probably Russian interference. Total nonsense. The ref — great ref, tremendous guy — wasn’t buying it. Goal stands. Justice wins.

Final moments — a Turramurra free kick. Dangerous. But our keeper, Belly, the calmest man in Sydney, scoops it up like he’s picking berries in Vermont. Game over.

So here’s what we’ve got, folks:

Twelve games.

Twelve wins.

Unbeaten. Unmatched. Unbelievable.

Minor Premiers. Major Legends.

St Ives Over 35s — they don’t play for the money. They don’t play for fame. They play for each other. For the badge. And for the group chat.

We’re gonna keep going. We’re gonna win the semis. We’re gonna win the finals.
And we are absolutely, without question,
gonna make Over 35s Football GREAT AGAIN.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless St Ives FC! 

Hey Yitzhak and Emma it's president donald j trump.  Congratulations! I heard you recently got engaged. That is fantastic.  You guys are going to make marriage great again.  The Trump family wishes you a huuuuuge Mazal Tov. Maybe Elon musk and I may show up at the wedding  so save us two seats. Finally as a gift, you could spend your honeymoon at my beautiful mar lago resort or you could borrow air force one.  By the way Zaki and yuuudi go me to make this message.

Hey Yitzhak anmd Emma it's president donald j trump.  Congratulations! I heard you recently got engaged. That is fantastic.  You guys are going to make marriage great again.  The Trump family wishes you a huuuuuge Mazal Tov. Maybe Elon musk and I may show up at the wedding  so save us two seats. Finally as a gift, you could spend your honeymoon at my beautiful mar lago resort or you could borrow air force one.  By the way Zaki and yuuudi go me to make this message.

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