Alright, alright. Let’s get this roast over with. Apparently, I’m the reason the LaPorta Potties got flushed this week. Me. Ja'Marr Chase. WR1 turned WR... none?

Look, I know what you’re thinking. “Ja'Marr, what happened? Did you forget how to football?” And to that I say: maybe. Maybe I woke up and chose violence against your fantasy hopes. Maybe I was just out there doing wind sprints for cardio. Who knows?

But let’s not pretend I was the only one out there stinking up the scoreboard. Xavier Worthy? Bro. You made me look productive. You had fewer catches than a broken vending machine. I saw your stat line and thought my phone glitched.

CJ Stroud? My guy looked like he was throwing dodgeballs at ghosts. Breece Hall—respect. You showed up. You clocked in. You didn’t embarrass yourself. Unlike... well, me.

Sam LaPorta? The only one who actually lived up to the team name. Dude balled out. He’s the porcelain king. The rest of us? We were just the plumbing disaster.

DK Metcalf? You were fine. Like, “I guess I’ll eat this gas station sandwich” fine. Rashid Shaheed? Thanks for the 10 points. That’s almost enough to buy a sympathy card for the fantasy manager.

Matt Gay kicked. Tampa Bay Defense got kicked. And me? I got dragged. Deservedly.

So yeah. The LaPorta Potties lost. And I was the turd that clogged the whole thing. But next week? Redemption arc. I’m coming back with vengeance, baby. Or at least more than 3 catches.

Alright, alright. Let’s get this roast over with. Apparently, I’m the reason the LaPorta Potties got flushed this week. Me. Ja'Marr Chase. WR1 turned WR... none?

Look, I know what you’re thinking. “Ja'Marr, what happened? Did you forget how to football?” And to that I say: maybe. Maybe I woke up and chose violence against your fantasy hopes. Maybe I was just out there doing wind sprints for cardio. Who knows?

But let’s not pretend I was the only one out there stinking up the scoreboard. Xavier Worthy? Bro. You made me look productive. You had fewer catches than a broken vending machine. I saw your stat line and thought my phone glitched.

CJ Stroud? My guy looked like he was throwing dodgeballs at ghosts. Breece Hall—respect. You showed up. You clocked in. You didn’t embarrass yourself. Unlike... well, me.

Sam LaPorta? The only one who actually lived up to the team name. Dude balled out. He’s the porcelain king. The rest of us? We were just the plumbing disaster.

DK Metcalf? You were fine. Like, “I guess I’ll eat this gas station sandwich” fine. Rashid Shaheed? Thanks for the 4 points. That’s almost enough to buy a sympathy card for the fantasy manager.

Matt Gay kicked. Tampa Bay Defense got kicked. And me? I got dragged. Deservedly.

So yeah. The LaPorta Potties lost. And I was the turd that clogged the whole thing. But next week? Redemption arc. I’m coming back with vengeance, baby. Or at least more than 3 catches.

Ja'Marr Chase, Cincinnati Bengals Wide Receiver

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Ja'Marr Chase AI Voice

Ja'Marr Chase, Cincinnati Bengals Wide Receiver

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