—"Yo Doe-v, what the actual fuck is up, birthday boy. It’s John Rzeznik here, yeah, from the GooGoo-Dolls your favorite band, which honestly says a lot about your taste in music… and probably women. I heard it’s your big day, so I wanted to say happy fuckin’ birthday and also roast you just a bit because you earned it. You’ve somehow made it another year of dropping dad jokes that physically hurt people. Like actual fucking pain. Your punchlines should come with a warning label. — And your relationships? — Bro, you treat a flirty text like it’s a federal case file just ask her out, not ask ChatGPT for a 3-paragraph draft or give her a handwritten letter or any gay shit like that. Also — what’s the deal with your Newport bubble? You haven’t left a one-mile zone in years, you’re like a dog with an invisible fence but it’s self-imposed and powered by Happy Dad's. And we know you’re not homophobic, Doe-v, but if one more bro hug from Joey or Mo makes you wince like someone touched your tax return we’re gonna need to talk. Oh — and the talking? Holy shit, you speak in monologues. You're the human version of a fucking group chat that never ends. And Stanton will bust out and play the cowbell whenever he wants.  But hey… all that said, you’re one of a kind and we still fucking put up with you and let you hang around. Thank you for being a real fan all these years. The fact that our music means something to you? That shit means a lot to me. So here’s to you Doe-v— keep being the hilarious, chaotic, loyal legend you are. Hope your birthday’s full of laughs, good friends, some wine or whatever the fuck you drink now, and at least one terrible decision. Happy Birthday, brother. Rock the hell on."

—"Yo Doe-v, what the actual fuck is up, birthday boy. It’s John Rzeznik here, yeah, from the GooGoo-Dolls your favorite band, which honestly says a lot about your taste in music… and probably women. I heard it’s your big day, so I wanted to say happy fuckin’ birthday and also roast you just a bit because you earned it.  You’ve somehow made it another year of dropping dad jokes that physically hurt people. Like actual fucking pain. Your punchlines should come with a warning label.  

— And your relationships? — Bro, you treat a flirty text like it’s a federal case file just ask her out, not ask ChatGPT for a 3-paragraph draft or give her a handwritten letter or any gay shit like that. 

Also — what’s the deal with your Newport bubble? You haven’t left a one-mile zone in years, you’re like a dog with an invisible fence but it’s self-imposed and powered by Happy Dad's. And we know you’re not homophobic, Doe-v, but if one more bro hug from Joey or Mo makes you wince like someone touched your tax return we’re gonna need to talk. 

Oh — and the talking? Holy shit, you speak in monologues. You're the human version of a fucking group chat that never ends. 

But hey… all that said, you’re one of a kind and we still fucking put up with you and let you hang around. Thank you for being a real fan all these years. The fact that our music means something to you? That shit means a lot to me. So here’s to you Doe-v— keep being the hilarious, chaotic, loyal legend you are. 

Hope your birthday’s full of laughs, good friends, some wine or whatever the fuck you drink now, and at least one terrible decision. Happy Birthday, brother. Rock the hell on."

"Yo Dove-E, what the actual fuck is up, birthday boy. It’s John Rzeznik here, yeah, from the GooGoo-Dolls your favorite band, which honestly says a lot about your taste in music… and probably women. I heard it’s your big day, so I wanted to say happy fuckin’ birthday and also roast you just a bit because you earned it.  You’ve somehow made it another year of dropping dad jokes that physically hurt people. Like actual fucking pain. Your punchlines should come with a warning label.  

— And your relationships? — Bro, you treat a flirty text like it’s a federal case file just ask her out, not ask ChatGPT for a 3-paragraph draft or give her a handwritten letter or any gay shit like that. 

Also — what’s the deal with your Newport bubble? You haven’t left a one-mile zone in years, you’re like a dog with an invisible fence but it’s self-imposed and powered by Happy Dad's. And we know you’re not homophobic, Dove-E, but if one more bro hug from Joey or Mo makes you wince like someone touched your tax return we’re gonna need to talk. 

Oh — and the talking? Holy shit, you speak in monologues. You're the human version of a fucking group chat that never ends. 

But hey… all that said, you’re one of a kind and we still fucking put up with you and let you hang around. Thank you for being a real fan all these years. The fact that our music means something to you? That shit means a lot to me. So here’s to you Dove-E— keep being the hilarious, chaotic, loyal legend you are. 

Hope your birthday’s full of laughs, good friends, some wine or whatever the fuck you drink now, and at least one terrible decision. Happy Birthday, brother. Rock the hell on."

John Rzeznik AI Voice

John R

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