
’Twas weeks before Christmas, and all through the place,
Every flyer was circled—not a blank little space.

The two sisters were planning, with giggles and sneezes,
The cutest of girls, who did just what they pleases!

There was Lexie, age thirteen, quite clever and keen,
Who loved books so risky you’d blush 
at the scene!

And Ellie, just ten, with a smile sweet and wide,
Who adored piggy-wiggies with nowhere to hide!

These two little darlings, the loveliest pair,
Had their big brother Noah wrapped ’round their pink hair!

He gave them some money for presents, you see,
For Mommy and Daddy, as good as could be!

(Though the girls had a plan, quite sneaky and grand,
To buy contraband items right there in Piggsmade Land!)

Oh, Piggsmade Village! A quaint little place!
Like Hogsmeade, but pinker, with charm and with grace!

They’d been circling flyers and newspapers too,
For things their dear brother, Caylob, would veto!

Caylob the Grouch, who would frown and would fret,
And say, “Those are awful! They’re not wholesome yet!”

So they jumped in their Barbie Jeep, powered and pink,
And they drove off to market, as quick as a blink!

They’d shop Foxes Den, cozy and small,
Where the naughty good trinkets hung right on the wall!

But just as they parked by the Den with a zoom,
They saw a strange man who said with a with a boom

“Get beans in a bag, all spotted and green,
The strangest darn beans that had ever been seen!

“These beans, little girls,” said the man with a grin,
“Grow magical weeds that help your team win!”

“They grow souvenirs! Trinkets! And Jet-stuff galore!
For the New York Jets team! And so much, much more!”

Now, Mommy loved Jets (and when Mommy was bright,
Daddy loved Mommy and could sleep through the night!)

This gift was perfection! The best to be had
But they needed more money! Best not ask dad.

They looked at their budget. They looked at their funds.
It wasn't enough for the two Keplet
runts!

“We need more!” cried Lexie. “Let’s think like a thief!”
“Let’s ask brother Caylob!” said Ellie in brief.

But Caylob was stingy! He wouldn't give dough!
But Lexie had ideas don’t you don’t you know!

She hacked in his computer (a thing you should not do!),
And found all the dirt that old Caylob did spew!

Embarrassing pictures! And posts of deep dread!
They showed them to Caylob, who quickly just said,

“OH, NO!” cried poor Caylob, “I’m doomed! I’m disgraced!
Just stop with the postings! Don’t leave any trace!

Here’s cash from my wallet! My shoe! And my hat!
Just cease with the sharing of This thing and that.

So they took all the money! (And asked Noah, too!)
And the girls had enough, to buy beans, tried and true!

They snuck out at midnight, beneath the soft moon,
Met the man in Piggysmade, so quick and so soon!

Off to Piggly Wiggly they’d say, oh its so great and so grand,
It’s your always open neighborhood Magic Potion Stand!

They bought a small vial, a bright sapphire hue,
Labeled: “Instant Plant-Grow-Drop-Magic for You!”

They found a pot planter, all lovely and cheap,
“World’s Best Grandma,” it claimed mommy’s asleep!

They filled it with dirt, dark and rich as the night,
And planted those beans with a growing delight!

And Oh, how they giggled! They forgot their old list!
The novels, the pigs, every item they’d missed!

They just dreamt of Christmas and Mommy’s delight,
When the Jets-weed grew fast, bathed in magical light!

And Christmas arrived! What a wonderful day!
Ellie gave Mommy the pot where the seeds lay.

Lexie gave Mommy the drops, so dark and so thick,
“Just one drop!” she whispered, “Do it real quick!”

KER-PLUNK! went the drop! WOOSH! went the dirt!
The weeds shot right up, and put Mom on alert!

They grew in a flash, like a green, leafy shower,
And Jets things went POPPING right out by the hour!

Jets shoes and apparel ! Jets Sox and Jets hats!
Jets shirts for the dog! And Jets mats for the cats!

Mom cried in delight, as the Jets-stuff all flew!
This made their dad happy, his love honest, and true!

And that Christmas, dear reader, I’ll tell you this much,
Was the greatest of all time, with a magical touch!

Because even two sisters, with schemes in their head,
Can find the best gift, when it’s love that is spread!


I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. And your wife will get this 1 million dollars 

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