"Alright, lemme tell you somethin’ about this so-called Newport Run Club. A RUN club, right? You’d think these dumb motherfuckers would actually RUN.

NOPE. These clout-chasin’, tight-shirt-wearin’ motherfuckers jog about ten fuckin’ steps, then stop to take selfies. ‘Look at me, I’m so fuckin’ fit!’
Bitch, you just burned five fuckin’ calories standin’ there posin’!

Then these fake-ass athletes waltz their sweaty, poser asses into the nearest bar, actin’ like they just finished a fuckin’ Ironman…
And what do they order?!
‘WATER ME BRO!’
MotherFUCKER, WHAT?! WATER?!
You yell ‘Water me bro’ in a bar — somebody oughta pour that shit right over your dumb fuckin’ head.

And this whole ‘community’ bullshit? It ain’t no community — it’s a goddamn influencer circle jerk.
Same hats, same corny-ass captions, same fake smiles plastered all over Instagram.

And runnin’? Please. These motherfuckers couldn’t outrun a fuckin’ drunk toddler.

So fuck the Newport Run Club. Fuck your $300 shoes. Fuck your Water me bro bullshit.

And most of all — be fuckin’ nice. But if you come in yellin’ ‘Water me bro!’ — SHUT THE FUCK UP and get the fuck out."

Alright, lemme tell you somethin’ about this so-called Newport Run Club. A RUN club, right? You’d think these dumb motherfuckers would actually RUN.

NOPE. These clout-chasin’, tight-shirt-wearin’ motherfuckers jog about ten fuckin’ steps, then stop to take selfies. ‘Look at me, I’m so fuckin’ fit!’
Bitch, you just burned five fuckin’ calories standin’ there posin’!

Then these fake-ass athletes waltz their sweaty, poser asses into the nearest bar, actin’ like they just finished a fuckin’ Ironman…
And what do they order?!
‘WATER ME BRO!’
MotherFUCKER, WHAT?! WATER?!
You yell ‘Water me bro’ in a bar — somebody oughta pour that shit right over your dumb fuckin’ head.

And this whole ‘community’ bullshit? It ain’t no community — it’s a goddamn influencer circle jerk.
Same hats, same corny-ass captions, same fake smiles plastered all over Instagram.

And runnin’? Please. These motherfuckers couldn’t outrun a fuckin’ drunk toddler.

So fuck the Newport Run Club. Fuck your $300 shoes. Fuck your Water me bro bullshit.

And most of all — be fuckin’ nice. But if you come in yellin’ ‘Water me bro!’ — SHUT THE FUCK UP and get the fuck out.

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