Damn.  You slutbaggin' son of a bitch.  Miss you mamma!

"Hey Newport Run Club! Or should I say… Newport Walk Around and Look Cute Club. Holy Fuck. You call this a run club?! I seen more cardio at a goddamn shuffleboard tournament.

You clowns show up in your Lululemon and headbands like you’re about to run the fuckin’ Boston Marathon — then you jog fifteen feet, stop for a fuckin’ group selfie, and stand around bitchin’ about your macros.

And don’t even get me started on the bar scene. ‘Water me bro!’ — you fuckin’ serious?! I’m at the bar tryin’ to get hammered and here comes a conga line of hydrated hipsters orderin’ fucking Fiji water like it’s bottle service. You are ruining happy hour you self-righteous cunt puddle-jumpers.

You don’t run. You post. You don’t sweat. You pose. You ain’t a run club — you’re a fuckin’ cult with shin splints. And the worst part? You all act like you discovered exercise.  NEWS FLASH: People been runnin’ since fuckin’ caveman times — we didn’t need a hashtag and a DJ.

Anyway — fuck your run cult. Be fuckin’ nice."

"Hey Newport Run Club! Or should I say… Newport Walk Around and Look Cute Club. Holy Fuck. You call this a run club?! I seen more cardio at a goddamn shuffleboard tournament.

You clowns show up in your Lululemon and headbands like you’re about to run the f#ckin’ Boston Marathon — then you jog fifteen feet, stop for a fuckin’ group selfie, and stand around bitchin’ about your macros.

And don’t even get me started on the bar scene. ‘Water me bro!’ — you fuckin’ serious?! I’m at the bar tryin’ to get hammered and here comes a conga line of hydrated hipsters orderin’ fucking Fiji water like it’s bottle service. You are ruining happy hour, you self-righteous puddle-jumpers.

You don’t run. You post. You don’t sweat. You pose. You ain’t a run club — you’re a fuckin’ cult with shin splints. And the worst part? You all act like you discovered exercise.  NEWS FLASH: People been runnin’ since fuckin’ caveman times — we didn’t need a hashtag and a DJ.

Anyway — fuck your run club. Be fuckin’ nice."

Harry D AI Voice

Harry Dumber

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